Keegan, I am definitely NOT doing it to win favour. T and I have discussed how to "celebrate" or "mark" sobriety anniversaries; for example, he asked me if I had had a cake on my 1st anniversary- perhaps baking one with my kids. My response was "definitely not" - this is one thing I am keeping entirely away from my kids (who are quite young). My younger one would not have any idea of my stopping drinking - too young to be aware; my older one has probably noticed - she notices everything - but has never said anything about it. I personally don't care, for me, to celebrate with a cake or similar - this is too personal, too deep. From what T says, he too does not like the idea of a cake and that type of celebration. That's why I thought a brief card, vague enough so that if anyone else reads it they would not have any idea of what it means, would be appropriate. Sort of celebrating without celebrating. I don't think in future I will be overtly crossing boundaries, keeping in mind that in this small town boundaries sort of "shift" - T and I have, from time to time, come together professionally in our work, not merely as T/client, but as 2 professionals, and we have run into each other socially on a couple occasions over the years, and have friends/colleagues in common. (It's quite interesting to see the literal donning and doffing of "hats" around here.) He knows DH as well, from being his T for a while, years ago, and also from being together in a men's group. but I know there won't be any boundary-crossing re my transference....