I've never spoken about this before today...I was telling T that I was struggling to get close to her and part of me was holding her at bay...she asked what I was protecting myself from?...then a long ago image entered my head and wouldnt go...I struggled for ages trying to find the words...I said this is soooooo stupid and outside of therapy its only a tiny little thing...T said that it may only be a tiny little thing but its had a hugh impact...that it has I guess...finally I told her...

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I told her when I was 12 we had a medical examination at sch...I remember being in my knickers and the doctor was a elderly indian woman...and she slid her hand inside my knickers and inserted her finger....I said it happened so fast and I grabbed her arm and pulled her hand away....I couldn't prevent it happening because I had no idea she would do this and no idea why she did it....there were no words spoken...T said would it be easier if it had been a man that done it? ...I said yes....but a woman and a doctor at that...T said you felt let down?....amongst other things yes I guess I did...I also felt really bad and was confused as to whether it was ok...but it didn't feel ok...

why would a female doctor do that???