I've anxiety and depression, too. Paranoia, and not being to tell what's real or what I may incorrectly perceiving to be real, is something that I've been having problems with again, too.

You're still with us, though, and it's great that you're able to call those thoughts "crazy." That's not a politically correct word, of course, but it's certainly how it feels! It's wonderful to be questioning those thoughts.

You're also aware that you need some help in learning how to curb these thoughts. I've been under psychiatric care so long that it would be easy for me to just suggest "see a shrink." For various reasons, that may not be the easiest thing for people to do.

Have you ever been under mental health care? Do you know where to go if you needed care? I would think that the first step towards dealing with these thoughts is to find someone in the mental health field, even a county social worker, just to talk with. Or if someone has helped you with your depression and anxiety, let them know about the paranoid feelings.

The most important thing, at the moment, is letting others in. Sometimes that means some initial work before you actually get any help.

One thing that I think every therapist has told me that I should ask myself when I'm in the midst of a crisis (a couple of times a day recently) is: what's the worst that could happen?

That's the stupidest thing that could possibly come to mind when I'm having a deathly panic attack or a crazy episode (most of my waking hours). The worst that could happen is that I could go crazy again or die; neither is too appealing to me.

If you're in the U.S., you have resources. City, county or state. Private. Find those resources or take advantage of those that you may know of.

God knows, it feels like hell. I hope that it can get better for you.