On Sunday I survived the stress of the coworker's wedding that I feared would trigger me. I did not want to miss it (I like these coworkers and I've missed a lot of work/social events starting with the company Christmas party).

My plan to keep myself safe was to attend the ceremony then leave before the reception. I told the Bride and Groom beforehand that I would not be staying.

I did OK at the wedding. I was at a small table with our production manager and his wife and he actually had me sit between them which made me feel safe. Another coworker "LLB" was there without her husband (he was home sick) and the manager of our department was not able to come, I knew he would not be there.

I ducked out after the ceremony as planned and was able to give my congratulations to the bride and groom as I was leaving so all felt good.

On Monday morning LLB was at work early and i showed up second, said hello and began to work, keeping to myself as usual with my depression.

A bit later the department manager came in and went to LLB's desk to ask her how the wedding was. They soon got into a very specific conversation. The manager said he really wanted to come but they didn't have a babysitter and so his wife couldn't come and he didn't want to come alone. LLB agreed saying she almost didn't come and she HATES doing things alone without her husband. Manager agrees he really wanted to bring his wife out but missing that opportunity he didn't want to come alone. Blah blah blah can't go alone blah blah blah yea it really sucks to go alone better to just not go.

I could not ****ing take it. I stood up at my desk across the room and shouted at them "Yeah it really SUCKS to have to go to things alone" and I ran out of the room.

My manager felt horrible. He didn't realize I was in the room when he was speaking, he knows how I have been struggling with being alone, having NO SUPPORT SYSTEM for my depression or my health issues (latest being pneumonia and congestive heart failure) and how my depression has been triggered by my current LONELINESS.

**** them. If I can't go out alone my alternative isn't a night home with my family it is a night still alone with the TV.

He apologized but seriously I'm not mad he said it... If he had seen me there and hadn't said it would that make me any less alone?



I finished out my morning there buried in my work and then left for partial hospital.