I don't think it is all on your shoulders. And... I do think it is possible that he has %#@&#! up. But that being said, therapy is supposed to be about us. How we respond to their %#@&#! ups and stuff like that. What is going on for us when we have such an intense reaction etc.

Maybe... It is a growth point. Maybe it is a growth point in terms of individuation. Instead of feeling connected / merged maybe you need to assert your independence a little. You coped for a time without him. Got through it. :-)