honestly weird things happen to me during those kind of things
so i avoid them - because i usually end up saying stupid stuff, talking about stuff i dont want to, and i dont know why
its good to talk about things but i dont like it... i guess i dissociate too much to control what i say sometimes... or do... in the hospital i even drew a diagram on the board thingy... explaining something about bipolar and what the doctors was telling me that was wrong... (they had dx me as bipolar and was saying i was having a problem with mania) but i am definitely not bipolar... and i have no clue why i did that - some part of me volunteered to do it in front of everyone - maybe it was all the drugs...
when you have so much pent up inside for so long i guess its screaming to come out in some way... but you feel so stupid when you realize everything you just said...
ive never been able to talk about things, i dont like talking at all really.. i could go weeks, months, probably years without talking to others
i talk enough to myself... maybe if no one else was around me i would be nicer to myself...
but i know this is not good, not normal
some things i just wish we could delete from our minds
or where is that famous esay button?

i admire all of your abilities and drives to move forward doing this kind of thing..