I have often found myself wondering the very same thing Soccer mom. I have had five different ts who were very different in their way of working. Some had very right boundaries and others very loose. I find myself working better with the ts who have loose boundaries.
I tend to agree with ruh Roh about pathologising shame and needs and wants, this is a ts projection onto a client and it has no place in therapy. It's not right or wrong to have needs and wants it's normal and it's all about exploring these together and a finding a way with your therapist to work together. Ts tend to be curious about why you need their reassurance and I think your ex t missed out on some really good work with you here and I am sorry she was so awful and unkind. Perhaps she thought she was doing you a favour but it turned out she wasn't and was missy tuned to your needs from the start.
Since I started seeing clients I can see clearly how there needs to be flexible boundaries with most clients and strict with some, this is a decision you make with the client by discussing their needs. A t does not get to decide what you need and don't need. Therapy is a collaboration between t and client, that's were the respect, healing and self actualisation begins. I really see progress being made with your new t

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