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Originally Posted by lolagrace
Not that crosses my mind, but I have fairly flexible boundaries. I'm not one to have to verbally set boundaries with my therapists I guess; they seem to be pretty aware of them intuitively.
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You have had some good therapists so
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Originally Posted by Argonautomobile
Not much comes to mind for me, either. Never had to verbally set boundaries. He's very respectful--to the point of pussyfooting a bit, honestly. I'm sorry about the crossings you've experienced. I would react very poorly to intrusive questions about CSA, and going in for the ambush hug is a pretty good way to get hit.
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I think that these are valuable lessons for me in that I allow them to happen at the time and afterwards I wonder why I allowed them in the first place. It's all grist for the mill.
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Originally Posted by Pennster
Two or three times he has seemed to suggest something was a problem that I did not view as a problem. One of them in particular I really didn't consider any of his business, so I just told him that, and he hasn't brought it up since.
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I hate it when they get sidelined by something they feel is important but actually it isn't. Kinda like a dog with a bone.
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Originally Posted by brillskep
Yes, for a long time. Taking supervision in the workshops I attend and asking me to leave every time instead of just taking his supervision privately or at workshops I don't attend, some very minor confidentiality slip-ups that did me no harm (with the confidentiality at least he took my feedback into account, understood and stopped), occasionally talks when I don't want to discuss what he's talking about and interrupts me. He has raised his voice at me 2 or 3 times but I believe it's his supervisor who helped him refrain from doing that anymore. Didn't warn me that if I chose a certain degree program I would be stuck in a potentially harmful dual relationship with him even though I didn't have my heart set on any particular program and was discussing my options with him in therapy. Kept arguing with me and stayed over session time to do so after I'd repeatedly told him I needed to leave because I had to go to work. And yet, he only truly ever discusses the ways in which I cross his boundaries ...
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Sounds like he needs some therapy himself. Are you still seeing him as a therapist / lecturer?
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Originally Posted by Echos Myron
First T also asked intrusive CSA questions, and he speculated on the motivations and experiences of others in my life which I found intrusive. Also, as you may recall, he contacted me out of the blue after a year of no contact when it was supposed to be understood that I would instigate any contact.
How did I deal with the boundary crossings? I suffered.
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Yes, I can see how much damage am intrusive t does. I have seen and felt the damage and it never gets better until we decide to walk away.
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Originally Posted by stopdog
The first one did a few times. I was quite clear and held the line. Now she does not.
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Do you still have to reinforce boundaries with clients and students ? I would like to be as clear as you stop dog!
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Originally Posted by Out There
Not that I can think of , I don't like people getting in my personal space from the front ( at the side I'm OK ) and he's leaned forward a couple of times so I remind him and he's fine about it. But nothing major - he's very intuitive. I sometimes wonder why T's are not aware that people don't always like to be approached or touched ( and some are clearly not ).
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I think that this is some of there own issues blinding them. Some people are clearly ok with touch and others are not and ts are only human. We hope they are more sensitive to others needs but clearlysome are not !!
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Originally Posted by junkDNA
in the beginning one time he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my neck like a hug from behind. wasnt sure what to make of that!!! he never did it again, but i also never mentioned anything abt it
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Oh god, that is just a heart attack waiting to happen for me. I would have to throw him over my neck and karate chop him to the ground if he did that to me!
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Originally Posted by Bipolar Warrior
One time my uni therapist tried to lecture me about my sleep cycle. She knows this is one lecture I have heard from my parents so many times there is no way of counting them, and she knows it upsets me when they do it, so I got very upset with her. She agreed with me that I don't need that criticism from her in addition to my parents, and she doesn't do it anymore.
A couple of weeks later, she crossed a boundary I didn't even know I had. I didn't know I needed to have it, because I would never have thought it would be an issue. She said "I love you", just before Christmas, and I had a total meltdown. I tried to quit twice. It was just too much for me, and I couldn't comprehend it. She admitted to me after the Christmas break that it was something that just slipped out in the moment; we hugged for the first time after a difficult session, which was something she had been wanting to do for a while, but I wouldn't let her because of my fear of intimacy. She said it was "a moment of love".
We have been able to work through it, and I have come to terms with it. Sort of.  |
Oh dear, that would certainly bring up a lot of feelings and emotions. It can happen and I wonder if she let her own needs take over without thinking of the consequences to you. I am glad to hear you are working it out with her, I hope she can hold the emotions it stirred up in you without getting defensive
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Originally Posted by PinkFlamingo99
I had signed permission for my former T and former pdoc to communicate, so I'm not sure that it's technically a violation, but my former T took it upon herself to call and tell my pdoc I was trying to get approved for gastric bypass surgery. My pdoc was really displeased I did it behind her back because it was a medical procedure that would affect how the meds I was on would be absorbed.
I also had a former therapist who I saw whenI was very young (about 18), stop by my job in the mall and ask if I was there. Which was weird. It didn't bother me at the time but now it kind of weirds me out, looking back.she also told me she would not see me again unless I brought in my mom. I did, and it prrmanently made things worse. *she* ended up saying things I had told her instead of me speaking.
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Now these are very worrying I hope you had a chance to tell them how you felt about it?
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Originally Posted by laxer12
The first T I ever saw asked me if I had "feelings" for my best friend who is the same gender as me. I have nothing against being gay/lesbian but I was younger, insecure, it was my second session, and I was just talking about how I really felt connected to my friend and she was the first person I ever opened up to.
It was just too soon and too blunt based on the lack of relationship we had. That definitely crossed a boundary for me. I only lasted one more session.
Current T never has though.
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Mmmm, I would not be happy about that, giving the client more problems then they went for. I am glad you had the courage to stop seeing this therapist!
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Originally Posted by MobiusPsyche
I've never had a T cross my boundaries. Maybe they ran up against them, but that's sort of the point of therapy. I wouldn't experience it as a boundary violation unless it were severely out of line or a repeated thing. "First one's free."
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I agree, boundaries are a big part of therapy! Helping the client establish safe boundaries but not helping the t with their own boundary issues!
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Originally Posted by guilloche
Yup... I had a T who at the first session asked if I was sleeping with my boyfriend.  . Maybe it's OK to ask, once... but when I told him that I wasn't comfortable answering or talking about that (you know, with a complete *stranger*) - he kept wheedling me, rephrasing it, and urging me to answer.
I quit after a couple more sessions. |
Good for you, that sounds like his own needs interfering.
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