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Originally Posted by hubieg
I did it as an adult and my ex wife also did it when she came here.
In my case it was likely more easy. I had 14 days earlier finalized a VERY messy relationship (marriage) so I was basically a completely broken man. I also had the advantage though that I was "eased in to the new culture as I was in the military at the time. This allowed me to slowly adapt.
My biggest problem in the end, I wasnt really "at home" in either the American culture or my adopted culture (after 9 years). To this day I struggle with that (and I have been back in the US 19 years).
The very first thing you need to learn though is the local language. Without that you will become a miserable, paranoid person. I would even recommend you have at least a basic understanding of the language before you move there. Yes there might be many people who speak english, but you will never truely be accepted or understand the culture until you have a good grasp of the language!
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I agree the language is important. English is not the first language where I live, yet it's spoken fairly well by most people. And I guess my English is good enough to communicate with people. I think there are more dimensions to the challenge.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jan1212
Where are you? When I went to dorms for college, there were "people from the mountains" they are secluded from modern society and is made up of one race just letting you get an idea. I didn't feel like I fit in. At all. I moved closer to the inner city, I'm close to one of the most populous city ok I'll say it NYC. I settled in nyc suburbs. Nobody cares what you look like, people will make small talk on the streets. You walk out to the corner store get coffee, chat, then in 30 sec go home. At work you'll be forced to go out and talk. The more you talk the more people you meet, he greater chance of finding the right people for you. Overall, it's the area, the people, anxieties, insecurities. Yes there are people who hate me. But not everyone has to like me. I get told I should care about my appearance, then when I put on makeup I get called vain. People suck just do what you want.the whole world doesn't know. That person have issues she didn't deal with or idk what's wrong with them but I don't let it affect me or make me anxious.
If people automatically judge you, move on. discussing with irrational people are a waste of time. They are literally a speck of dust to me. Let them be miserable. You can't please everybody.
Ok good luck! Message me if you want talk
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People don't judge me explicitly, although sometimes when I go to some stores and official institutions I would be treated with a sense of contempt. Like sometime when I go a bank and approach the teller and I say "Hello" or "good morning" they wouldn't respond, especially if the teller is a young woman. Also when I say "Thank you" at the end, sometimes I don't get a response. But I cannot tell if these incidents are prejudice or just it was a bad day for the teller. I also once felt the security guard in a store was following me!!
Even though where I live is supposedly a multicultural city, yet I feel it's really not. People are just politically correct. It's not me alone, the other day I talked to someone from Colombia and he has been here about the same time as me (about 6 years), and he speaks the first language very well (with accent of course), yet he said he is not sure if he is staying because he also feels that he doesn't fit.
My challenge here is to find a romantic relationship, to be honest, as going back home and find someone from there isn't practical for immigration reasons. Also, I don't really have a community here (in the strict sense of the word), as we are very small in number. There is a community to a close country, but I don't think we have good relationship as there were some armed conflicts between our countries in the past.
Quote:
Originally Posted by sophiesmom
I think that it's important to ask yourself where home is.
I find I have no answer to that question.
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Good point. Actually, I don't feel I belong to this world. So, I feel a stranger where ever I go. Having said that, the outer situation here is better. So, at least I can live a stranger with a good job, freedom, and security. There is just one piece missing and I'm trying to find it
