Last week I was counting down the hours until I could see T again. This week I really feel like I don't care that much. What's going on? Am I still feeling the effects of the vacation? The session reduction? I did not call him this week. Even one night when I felt really bad, I just didn't care to call. I have nothing to talk about today. I am going to be there for an hour and half... I hope I can think of something. I guess I can go in and tell him exactly what it is that I'm writing here. I am bothered by this because the feeling started on the 2nd week that he was away. Yes, I was very eager for him to return and I did countdown to the last session, but I was also rather ambivalent about my feelings towards him in comparison to the first week he was away. The hurt was gone. It was like I didn't have him anymore. It's still like that. I'm really confused. This is the first time in my almost two years with T that I can (almost) say I don't want to go today. But I really don't know why that is.