I had a really healing and reparative session with t today. After our last session was horrible and toxic. So first thing t mentioned was the text I sent after last weeks session. She said she didn't want to open anything up and as it was sent late that night she was tired and getting ready for bed. I said it had been good for me that she didn't retaliate or get defensive through text and that she had held her boundaries until our next session.
I expected her to retaliate and to terminate me, she asked if I had wanted to push her away. I said yes, I wanted an excuse to leave therapy and she said I wanted am excise for her to leave me. She had felt that but wasn't going to let that happen. She did say that was a projection of mine. I don't understand that.
She felt it was important to wait till session to address this. She wanted to know what had happened for me and was glad that I am starting to let my anger out. I told her I felt judged and shamed. She said she had thought about last weeks session a lot and said she sometimes gets frustrated and she has to learn to accept me where I am at and not to push me beyond my limits. She said about I can only bring clients as far as I have been is on a spiritual awareness level not about our experiences. I did understand it in that context. I was glad t was not defensive and could listen to where I was at and for her to share where she was at and to listen and hear each other was a new healing experience for me.
I was injured today and had bring a hot water bottle. T wrapped me up in her blanket and made me some tea. She was really kind today so it was hard to stay mad at her. She was really kind and just what I needed from her today.

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