Sick and hurt, browsing some stuff and found a review about a book explaining what "really" drives people - selfishness, fear, ignorance - and how anything "higher" should be disregarded as stupidity because evolutionarily, you won't last long by being brave or fearless (but, isn't the ability to go against that and consider a greater good outside oneself what makes it so...impressive? Because it's strange? And possibly bears self-centered status promises?).

If anything I came out disgusted, horrified, still idealistic, clinging harder if ever before. I've already felt like crap today, overthinking, writing stupid stuff, worrying. I think I need to just go home and sleep. I said that an hour ago and I'm still here writing.