I'm currently in therapy and both my therapist and good friend say to stay clear of her. But it's so hard not to text her when you have consumed your life with this person. Being that I ended up making my life her life so in the end making the abandonedment feeling worse cause I was attached at the hips to her and didn't have my own life and space.

Again some days are good and I can think clearly while the next I'm dreaming of her and the days are long and sad just not being able to clear her from my mind. I really love the woman not just cause I didn't want to be alone but really cared for her in every way. I did lie and I take the blame for it. I guess the white lies just kept piling up and the mistrust just kept amplifying. But then again there were the times I didn't lie and was made out to be the liar but I understand that my lying caused the trust issue. I'm not perfect in anyway but I know I can still be a better person and not do it.

Just have to see what life throws at me next. Like my therapist says I've always gave a short term fix for my issues including relationships so I have to put in place a long term one. So I'm trying to get back to a happier me.

I guess I just get really down for the mistakes I've made and continued to make when I was with my ex and just still miss her and the kids. I've just always wanted a family of my own and they were like that to me and thinking about how it's gone kinda bums me out. But things happen for a reason right?

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