Truly? I would sell up, pool all my money and emigrate. I'd look for a semi religious community (as in people who have taken vows and work on the land or in a hospital or teaching or with the homeless) and live and work there, trying to do something useful til I died naturally. But I have a dependent and can't. When that changes, my plans are different. If you can't find a reason or person to live for, then find something and somewhere to give. For you it could be working with animals or rescuing orphan children or whatever. But find your thing. You sound like a good person, and I always enjoy reading your posts. I'm sorry you feel so sad.