I'm sorry you had a bad experience with antidepressants. Have you tried all the different types? SSRIs, SNRIs, MAOIs, tricyclics? How many different SSRIs did you try? Were you on the antidepressants in combination with the other meds you are currently taking?

As for what mania, or hypomania, is, I guess you'll have to describe to your psychiatrist what you are experiencing. For me hypomania is irritability, pressure to keep talking, speaking without a filter, doing impulsive things like spending money on unnecessary stuff, constantly feeling the need to yell at people (and occasionally doing so), feeling jittery and on edge, an inability to sit still (like I can't stop my foot from tapping, etc.), can't make sense of the thoughts in my head like it is indeed just spinning around nonsensically, and so on. But everyone's symptoms are slightly different, and occur to varying degrees. The bipolar spectrum is very wide, but if any of this resonates with you, definitely see your psychiatrist and talk to them about it.