Thanks guys. I dont know that I am feeling better... but more that I am using an old tool I used to use alot called the mask. I tried letting myself feel what I needed to feel. But it causes such great anxiety and panic attacks that it wears me out. I dont feel everything will be ok ever again. And I am not sure where to go from here on what I have to deal with. I am just trying my best to survive for now. Trying not to cut, trying not to want to do anything to myself that would cause any harm. Just trying my very best to be ok and to breath. Thank you for respecting my space and understanding. I keep telling myself to hold on till tomorrow... everyday.