Good God, I have never felt so awful.

Most of it is physical: I'm sick, fatigued and have a stomachache. I didn't drag myself out of bed until 1pm.

But, I've also been trying to expand my online life...and it has me exactly as depressed as when I left. Seriously, two threads and I'm a mess of self-hatred and sadness. And I definitely don't want to read someone's suicidal posts about meaninglessness and happiness not being real - I've thought about it enough, and forgotten what I thought, and simply can't be bothered to die myself.

Pathetic, really. Maybe if I didn't feel like I was being twisted up form the inside out I'd be more stable. But right now, I just feel terrible, I want to either cry or throw up (or both). And if neither of those...maybe a hug?