I am very sorry for you loss. I know how you feel. Ironically our stories are similiar.
I lost my mom March of 1999 and then my husband in Jan 2001. Both were ill but that doesnt make it any easier.

I go thru times feeling guilty about my husband....if I would have called 911 sooner, if I did CPR better, why didnt I go out to dinner with him the night before he died....you know the what if's..they seem to play in our minds. It can be torcher...I know.

If you would like you can pm me anytime...I would be happy to share my experience and feelings with you.
Snow