I'm just gonna go on a rant here because I am sick and freaking tired of feeling depressed.

None of us deserve to be depressed. We don't deserve to have this chemical imbalance in our brains or whatever is the reason for it. It just pisses me off that not only can I not fully enjoy the good things in life, but neither can you all.

I found a great book from Kroger this past weekend (yes, Kroger haha) and I started it last night and WOW it is called "The Stranger" by Harlan Coben and I could not put it down. So I sat outside on my balcony in this fantastic, mild weather in a comfy chair and beautiful view of the sunset to continue reading this intense novel, and after a few chapters, I pause to look up from my book and take in how perfect of a setting this is. BUT NO. WHAT ACTUALLY GOES THROUGH MY HEAD?
NOT THE WARM FUZZY FEELING THROUGHOUT MY WHOLE BODY THAT'S THE PHYSICAL EMBODIMENT OF JOY, BUT JUST SADNESS. MOTHERFREAKING SADNESS (that I have no company to enjoy it with even though I made the conscious decision to spend a quiet evening with myself), REGRET (that I chose to go to school three hours away from my family, mother, and beloved pets), GUILT (that I'm happy while being away from friends and family when that's what youre supposed to be?!), AND JUST PLAIN NOTHING. I WANT TO SMILE AND BE SATISFIED WITH MYSELF AND WHERE I AM.

It's the worst when you know how you should be feeling and thinking, but you're simply incapable of doing so. It makes me feel like I'm taking life for granted when I'm making the conscious effort to be the best version of myself, but it never seems good enough. It just sucks.

I love you all. Whatever you're going through right now, please don't give up. We may not believe in ourselves but we sure as hell believe in others. Does that make sense? I have no clue. But my rant is over.