Quote:
Originally Posted by Patagonia
I have this one part that is very evil. It enjoys pain & suffering. It doesn't care. It has pieces of my father in it. It likes to destroy & watch me suffer.
"Oh is that sentimental & you like it? Well it's trash now & im burning it for safe measure!" It says I need to be clean. Likes space & the emptiness of it.
"Oh you made a lunch date with an old friend? Well it's cancelled! You don't need that!"
Then I'm left with the regret of its destruction. Things I wanted to keep are now gone & things I wanted that might lift my mood are gone too.
I hate this part of me! I hate the lonely empty space it puts me in & tells me I deserve it & must stay there. I'm evil & need to be alone.
Why. What does this part want? It hates sympathy or kindness. It makes the rage worse. It just seeks total destruction. And sometimes I just give into it.
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I have an evil state too, and when that part takes over, all hell breaks loose. I just have to remember that that part is so aggressive and seemingly evil because its job was to protect my child part from getting hurt again. It's the Protector, so now when there's a threat to part of me, that part gets kicked into high gear, acting out, acting aggressive etc. I remind my system that I (the capable adult) can take care of the child now. I don't need a protector. It works sometimes.
