I used to feel similarly when I was bulimic. It's nothing to be ashamed about. I would have stints of not eating, but I mostly binged and purged and yes, I was jealous of my friends who struggled with anorexia, even the other patients I met in a treatment center where I was eventually sent for bulimia. (I have been free from bulimia now for 5 years!) Now, I am beginning to truly struggle with anorexia, and the mind battles are excruciating. I literally torture myself, worrying that I am gaining weight even though I am eating very little. When I lose weight because of eating so little, I worry that I will gain it back and lower my calories further. I do understand the appeal of anorexia in a society that values thinness, but now that I am in the middle of it, I wish I could escape. On a mental level, it is truly not worth it. I am also worried about the condition of my hair, skin and nails, so even as an appeal to vanity, it's not the answer.