I've been blessed to have two male perspectives on the topic since my marriage. My marriage likewise shifted my perspective as I learned that it can be the exact opposite of a bonding experience, I'll leave that at that because I'm not up to villifying my marriage at this moment, it's too complex for words.

One friend explained the need for touch as a way to feel connected in life. There was a part of him with a void, a sense of deprived for affection type of void. Emotional deprivation leads to feeling that touch would satiate that. Nice guy, just tough relations with women. Does admit to maternal struggles. Mom and dad didn't act emotionally warm to one another.

My other friend, he also, needs that emotional connection. The bedroom was a hostile place for him in the sense of the women that he had been involved with. Would rather go without than subjecate himself to being devalued. With him, timing was perfectly placed for me. He has shown me how a woman can be amired, feel connected and not a sexual object. What happens when old and fragile if that's no longer an option? What's left is touch. Non sexual touch. If emotional connection is intact, if there's attachment at that level...orgasms are nice, indeed, but after the orgasm is where the relationship exists.

In having an emotional connection, it takes two independent personas to blend together.

Hence all that chatter about focusing on oneselves, ones own interests and letting the relationship come to you.