hi Jackkar,

no you are not nutz!! I had a relationship that followed a simular pattern for 4 years.

Every time he broke with me, i was devestated....I couldn't understand why I stayed with him , took him back even when he cheated . after a long while, i realised I was terrified of abandoment, and that if he didn't want me i was worthless. some how my self worth was inexplicably tied to my relationship with him.He was very hansome, i thought i was plain.

its really hard, but ask your self, what is it he is providing for you?? for me, my ex gave me a measure of self esteem. Maybe he represents a father that was never fully available, or he replicates a family situation that wasnever rsolved or is answering a deep need in you???

Good therapy helps with all this...having someone caringly guide you through . maybe find a therapist?

I also realised I needed that relationship, to resolve those issues in myself, of course at the time i couldn't see that!!

I know how hard it is.... be strong, you can get over him !! knowing that you need to get him out of your system is the first step!

Himali