Quote:
Originally Posted by Lazarus16
Hi everyone! I'm listening to the audio book of No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert A Glover, am at around the midpoint and realised something upset me greatly. When I go anywhere with a lot of girls, I could literally want to go out with maybe half of them. It might be because I haven't had a girlfriend in 15 years and I never thought I would say this one day but I think there are too many beautiful girls for me. loll I'm really in need of affection, I admit it, though it's uncomfortable and I feel, if I dropped my guard, took down the walls I built to protect me, I could fall in love with anyone. That upset me terribly. I took 2 years to re-build myself, make peace with my chaotic childhood and re-learn what it meant to live fully, re-learn who I was and I never been as happy ...but I'm afraid of falling in love with the wrong person, of losing my time. I'm in a period of great changes and I believe my need of affection affect my judgement so how am I supposed to do the right choice when my judgement is altered? If I wasn't so much in need of affection, I wouldn't be looking for a girlfriend, I'd let things happen and I'm confident I'd get a girlfriend, eventually, I read a lot on the subject and I understand the concepts. But it is not the case and I'm so much in need of affection, a beautiful manipulative girl would kiss me out of the blue at the gym and I'd fall in love with her, 100%! I'm really hurting because on one front, I see all the progress I made, I literally changed my life and myself and it makes me really proud but on the other front, I see a cliff and I fear losing everything.
Anyone can help me? I feel like I'm so close of my goal, that is, to obtain the affection I so clearly lack but yet, I'm so far...
Thanks!
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first, you cannot lose time. what you have built up and gained cannot be lost. You can of course connect with someone that's not good for you but that's the risk we take with women (or men in the case of women). They can't take away anything that you've gained.
Furthermore, if you have grown and matured, learned anything the past 15 yrs, it may be the case where now is a much better time to do so. Perhaps what you know of yourself will be the thing that helps you to make the right decision, not only that be better in a relationship anyway.
I don't say that out of the blue either. I have spent a good amount of the last 4+ years without being attached. for me, I'm not looking actively but kind of hope something will happen.. but that being said I KNOW that I have grown a lot on my own. it still may end up not working out but if I find someone to date, I know I'm far more prepared now than before when I only knew life with a mate.