I can empathize with your experiences. Had my fair share of such experiences. Still do. I'll admit emotional pain (psychache) have sometimes a narcisisstic quality to it, yet points to some sort of unmet, unrecognized and unresolved psychological need. The failure of satisfying this particular psychological need had a devastating effect which is followed by wrongfully identifying with the experience and internalizing this experience. Nonetheless, in terms of our shared experience, I think it is best to think of this pain as having an evolutionary function emphasising the need for change or adaptation. Unfortuantely as we all know this is quite difficult, as u said guiltier, it is ingrained in you, habitually of course. And behavioral strategies such as avoidance and withdrewal won't go quietly and gently into the night. But anyhows, I don't think others can fix or correct what we ultimately perceive our flaw or fault to be. It always comes back to the self, even to the extend that we may even be responsible for creating our own suffering. But I see you guys, I recognise and acknowledge your pain. The solution it seems is only found internally. External things, objects or people only give temporary relief, from what I experienced.