((((Asuyuka))))

That doesn't sound good at all, I'm so sorry that you feel so down. It's understandable why it hurts so much since this guy obviously means the world to you. If it's not too late, maybe try to express to him what he means to you?

Also, if this is the first time he's heard about your depression and the world as you see it, it might take some time for him to understand fully. When I started to get help for my depression, my boyfriend and I fought over it a lot - we weren't on the same page at all, and even though I tried, I couldn't get through to him with how it really felt. But listening and replying to people here on PC, and talking with my counsellor, and bringing my bf to a session there meant gradually we were able to understand each other, and our relationship healed.

I'm not sure, from your post, exactly what happened, but please don't feel too down even if it is over. You need to worry about fixing yourself more than pleasing someone else, and if this is the guy for you, he will come around and try to understand and support you. In the meantime, focus on getting what you need right now - talk to a therapist or counsellor, or even a family member or a friend. It's rough, I know.

I hope this helps a little bit, but even if it didn't, you should know that there are a lot of us here at PC that care about you.