Thank you.

I actually wrote a letter to JD (handwritten, not typed; I haven't done that in ages) and mailed it yesterday. I wrote a few others that I knew I wouldn't send, but this one was only about two pages long, and it was very plain-spoken, honest, and contrite. I took responsibility for my actions, was brief in trying to explain myself, didn't make excuses, was specific in my apologies, and told him briefly what I believed to be true about him (that he is a good man with a solid, even character), and why. I said that, while it hurt like hell, he gave me the kick in the pants I needed to see with sharp clarity that I wasn't handling my stress very effectively, and I thanked him. I asked for forgiveness and said that if he chose not to respond, I would understand and never bother him again. But I also said that we'd both waited a bit of time to actually get to know each other, and I could wait as long as he needed to talk again, because to me he's worth the wait. And unless he responds, that's the end of it for me.

My T and I have started working through some DBT material--she has a book and sends me a chapter a week to work on. I can already tell that it's helping. I'm not completely perfect, of course. I'm on here right now because I had a bad day at work--most of that was mindset, not reaction--but I can tell it's helping. Mostly in that I'm more open to people and I communicate better than I had been. I'm going through some real shyt at work right now, and in the past I would have come home and had a couple of glasses of wine every night. Or sit and cry while eating a bag of Cheetos (the big bag). Now, I either journal, meditate, or have a dance party. I still like wine every so often, but it's not a coping mechanism any longer.

Anyway. Thank you so much for responding. I do understand what you were saying, and I appreciate it.