In response.. to (((chips))... I know what you mean.. years ago.. I also did this to escape..when things got really bad - I would have an escape route..the thoughts...

But now... the thoughts are real... and I have to fight like crazy to keep from acting on them.... implusive... hard to explain.. unless you been there..and it is easier now.. I have an extreme allergy to aspirin.. so the ways and means are just within reach all the time...