Dear T-M.

Three weeks without you. T-S is alright, but she isn't you. I have to start all over again. You know so much about me. She knows very little. This is very hard for me. I can't just tell her things, I also have to tell her some background with everything.
I haven't shared that I had my last appt with pdoc two weeks ago.
I haven't told her that next week I'm starting a course to prepare me for my economics exam. I'm scared. I haven't been to school in such a long time. You know how terrifying school is/was for me. This is the only exam I'm worried about. If I pass this one, then I can start college in September. And you're not here. You might be just back at work when college starts.

I don't even know if I want you back as a T. I feel abandoned. I'm still angry at you. I feel hurt. I lost some trust in you.

I'm all alone. I have to do everything alone. Why would I even go to therapy? I hate therapist. They cause more hurt than that they help you heal.

I'm unmotivated. I feel hopeless. Lifeless. Pointless.

I really really hate you.