I am feeling fairly clear minded, but that said, I have a stash of pills I am saving in case I ever want to....I know it is wrong, but I am not planning on using them anytime soon and maybe one day I will just take them recreationally. IDK, but I relate to that part of your post.

I don't keep razor blades anywhere near me because I often have the urge to cut, then i get ugly scars. Plus ineffective method of suicide, so you should ditch those or give em to your mom. Maybe partial hospitalization won't be so bad.