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How could I have been so stupid to believe myself that special?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> But, of course, you are special to us, to you and to T--you would not feel that way if you weren't loved on some level. I'm sure T loves you, and that the child Mouse has enjoyed the comfort of her caring!!

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Now the pendulum has swung the other way and I see through that delusion. Now I see her sitting there mildly amused at my delusions.

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This sounds like the adult Mouse is realizing her growth, although the other is not a delusion, it's real.
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How could I have been so stupid to believe myself that special?
The shame that the delusion fends off is deep and intense.

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(((((Mouse))))) When we feel this intense shame, it's disabling, to say the least. This is the reliving of the trauma of your adopted mother's criticism. It's not you at this present time!
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Part of me feels like standing on a roof top and jumping, because there is nothing left.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Oh Mouse, I so get this feeling. I have similar fantasies from the feelings of shame.
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Is this the valley of the dead one has to go through to reach the light?
Surely I cannot be evil personified? There must be some middle ground?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
No, you are not evil. But I do believe you have reached an important insight. I think we have to die psychologically in order to grow. This could be an important time of growth for you.

(((((Mouse)))))

Take gentle care. I know you are in a lot of pain.