Looks like you're newish, handsomejack, so welcome. I'm also sorry to hear of your struggles. It's difficult enough trying to sort out issues of identity and how to relate to oneself without having to worry about how other people perceive it and whether or not you can get the right help. I hope you are able to find something. In the meantime, you can always share here. I'm pretty new to this journey, just recently (as in last week) discovered I am FtM. I have experienced dysphoria my entire life. I always assumed it was because of body image stuff but I now realize this was likely a big part of it.