Hey. I think that your therapist can like you very much indeed and care about you a bunch and that you can be very special to her even if you aren't *the* most special person in her life. I'm reminded of this song with a line 'because you're special... just like everybody else'. not *everybody* else, of course, but there can be some people in life who are important to us. and i'm sure you are one of those people for your therapist because you have spent a lot of quality time with her really opening up to her.

> If not special and wanted, then what?

oh, but you are.

i'm getting this mental picture. toddler. mother leaves the room for a bit and the toddler feels upset. eventually the toddler manages to get into something. figures out how to do something. dunno what. jumping off of something successfully or managing to make something. mudpie. then mother comes back and toddler runs up to mother with mudpie all happy and proud. and mother...

disaproval.

shame.

does it feel a little like that kinda?

(its okay if i'm way off base)