I've been feeling a lot of anxiety lately and feel that it might be fueled by my therapist. I get nervous so much even just in anticipation of our sessions nowadays. Often when I think about him I feel sick. I know that shouldn't be the case with therapy. I think it's because I'm worried about what would happen next, or how far will he push it? I don't understand why I'm having this reaction. Like I said, I keep going back and forth between wanting him and wanting to get away from him. I mean, I'm always disappionted with literally EVERYTHING he says or does. I'm still trying to figure out what exactly is it I'm getting from him or what I even want. A year ago I would have been so sure. Some days I want him so much. But how long can you keep wanting someone that doesn't give a ****?

Maybe, deep down, I know that he doesn't really care about me, and so I feel un-safe (even if he won't harm me mentally or physically). I'm not sure.