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Is the procrastination due to fear of mania (and subsequent depression/instability), for you?
In my case it is, but also "deliberate" sabotage (worse the more people care about or expect it or depend on it), sometimes. It's all balancing and paradoxes. Doing some things more head first (ignoring any fear) and sometimes getting my head down, acting slowly, carefully planning for the short term and with very small steps.
That's why I have to work alone and with subcontractors or subordinates. My way or the highway.
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
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