everyone around me wants to support me, but im afraid to let them in
i dont let anyone know anything - my internal war is a silent one

there is an appeals... i must try to collect myself over the weekend and try to call the lawyer monday and ask what happened... i do not like talking at all, about cool things - much less about things i dont like... and especially over a telephone... i hate telepons...

i am beginning to see that the only way i will be recognized is for that person to come out... for everyone to see how damaged i am... how vulnerable and hurt i am...
people will be so shocked... people will be so scared... people will feel like they dont know who i am... i will be completely ashamed...
but this seems to be the problem... this damaged person hiding inside... this outside person not showing any pain... my world is confusing.... i really cant stand this...oh god please what am i going to do i dont want people to see me.... i dont want anyone to touch me... or look at me... i just want to hide... why cant they just help me without having to see....
i am already dead inside... but i live on the outside for the benefit of others...

this body still bleeds...