Hey, Thanks all for your replies.

Its been a strange couple of days. Good though. I think...

I don't think I was clear enough in the OP - I am 100% on board when it comes to seeing / talking/ hearing/ tasting / smelling the horrors of my youth. It makes sense that the separations that occurred then, are the cause of the issues I have today. It makes sense to me that revisiting all of that will lead to feeling better eventually. Im actually frustrated at how little we talk about that stuff.

What I wasn't expecting, what I feel I have been manipulated in to experiencing, and what I am really pissed off that I got no heads up, and am getting no support or empathy over from T, is how this is affecting my experiences today. I just didn't expect to have to deal with the smell of pickled onion crisps, or hot sweaty evening commuter trains, or foul drains, or farmers muck spreading, or feel emotions Im not used to, do not like, and am permanently uncomfortable with, about today. That is not what I ordered. And I wish T would just explain WHY. Why this is a good thing. It sucks. Everything about this process sucks. And he acts like I should think it is positive. I just cannot see it. I can't stand all this relational stuff. I wish he was wearing a white coat and sat on the other side of a desk.

But as we was planning this reply to you guys, with your words still twirling, it hit me.

OMG. Transference. You *****.

So my mum and my sister have spent decades trying to pry reactions out of me. They get a real kick out of seeing me cry, get upset, or angry. Thats probably whats getting to me with my T - He's basically reinacting the less fun scenes from my childhood.

But I still don't want to have to deal with feelings past and present. Feelings Past is enough thank you very much!