much suicidal ideation...

i just feel like i cant face myself... or others...

i hide things... i hide myself... i create other people to live in my place so i dont have to face the world... i dont know how to deal with things... i dont know what to do...
its breaking apart... the illusion is losing strength... im not able to maintain the facade... but im just a scared little boy... all i want is to be happy... people are so scary... i want to hide... so far... away... i dont want to do this anymore...


im so sorry... i dont think i can get better... im so broken... i cant control my mind...


im driving myself mad...
back... and forth.... back.... and forth.... i move... from this end.... from pain... to sane... i cry.... but smile... i show contentment.. but feel complete despair...
i feel so many things... i am so confused... something bad is going to happen to me.... at this rate i cant maintain my self... one self... im going to lose the last bit of control i thought i had...