well... i remember you used to really idealise your therapist a great deal. and of course there isn't anything wrong with that. i idealise my therapist quite a lot at times too. idealisation can be about... merging with a powerful figure. safety. things like that. but then... oftentimes the transference evolves into something a bit different. as one feels safe and merged one starts to need to assert ones independence. more of a mirroring transference, i guess. less about idealising and more about mirroring. having someone take pleasure and pride in our individuality and in our individual achievements. 'the gleam in the mothers eye'.

t went away. and you coped. oh yes you did. you got through that.

maybe... if your mother responded with disaproval to you asserting your independence... maybe... if your mother wasn't able to take pride in your individual achievements... then maybe she responded to your achievements with condenscending or disaproval or something like that. maybe... you are afraid that your therapist will similarly respond to your independence and need for mirroring (rather than idealising) with rejection / shame? so maybe... you are starting to prepare yourself for the inevitable rejection? maybe...