It glad your appointment went ok. I agree, changing something is scary, even when it's not helping.

I'm glad too your T gave you something to help your sleep, life is that bit more manageable with a decent amount of sleep.

I think "being ugly" to people is a strange way to describe it, but I do agree some of us have been conditioned to be nice, whatever other people do or say and to take any negative treatment they dish out as proof that we're broken or bad in some way.

Maybe it's a way of saying it's helpful to stand up for yourself and to resist people who try to take advantage so that you have time and energy for your own needs. Even saying no to a request when you don't feel you have the resources to fulfill it, or when the request is unreasonable feels like being "horrible" or "selfish" or "ugly"

Maybe he's suggesting that what you need or want might take a higher priority in your thinking?

I suppose it's a case of getting to know the T so what he says might be clearer.

Being too nice isn't good for our mental health when it allows us to be abused or taken advantage of.

These are only thoughts, take them or leave them.

Best of luck with your journey toward recovery whatever that means.