Yeah, I have to agree with this. When I began to read the initial post, my first thought was not to judge, it was, "Wow, this person sounds like they're hurting." I didn't balk until I came to the "...unfair to the wife/gf, but most of all to myself..." part. I am really not judging, but I am emphatically disagreeing. As everyone else has said, the unwitting spouse has no choice in the matter. The cheating husband and the person with whom he is cheating do. I understand that there are factors which led to those choices, and both parties may be hurting, but they made them all the same. Not only do I think it's unfair to expect us to react in a certain way and then be upset when we don't, I think that calling oneself a victim in this circumstance may be a bit triggering for those who have been on the other side of the table and that needs to be taken into account. Understand though that these actions are hurting more than just you.