Bad sleeping nights always give rise to terrible days.
5 hours of sleep and a day full with anxiety.

Of course when I talk about anxiety I talk about social anxiety.
The traditional academic celebrations (in fact to months earlier than when I complete all the credicts) are here. First week of May and the tradition put us (finalist) in the place that we feel it's all over (it's a century tradition we call it Queima).
So it began. Everyone now is asking everyone to write some message in our finalist ribbons. The dinner/dance is next friday. And this is a excellent time to make me feel alone.

People don't ask me to write something for them. I have four ribbons to feel with air. And I don't have the courage to ask someone that doesn't care that much about me to write me something.

I feel this people are different from me, just coleagues I can't blend with, or I know I am not important to them. So I feel bad asking.

I gathered with some of them this afternoon and I can understand what drives me appart from them. They were talking about matters of the soul...friends with beneficts, trying to mess with each other by implying romances. A girl tell another a boy that if he need he could call her, in what I assume with a third sense, that he broke up with is girlfriend and was down about it.

You may think, totaly normal topics, I maybe agree, and understant that I am the problem, not everyone else. But, probably one of the things that contributes to me fealing worse is how they talk so sereously. When the topic was about who should give the firts step and a girl said she waited 6 months for the boy to do the first move, the rest of the group found it weird, like it was to much time. Clearly they feel comfortable in throwing their emotions to their love interest.
And if they knew about me they would be chocked. Because whenever I have some sort of feelings for anyone I hide them even from myself. And I realy feel discomfortable about the serious way they talk about these.
I would mind so much if they talk with a little bit of humor, and not just that kind if humor like..."I touched XXX with my finger" told in a completly innocent way. But for their twisted minds is ilarious. I just felt unconfortable...Metaphoracly, they are all at the same side and I am at the other side of the door.

No one besides a girl of my class asked me to write something for her. If they don't want a memory written by me, why would I ask them to do it for someone they don't care about?