You are just getting to know yourself (and your T). That will increase and you will get to know and love yourself more and more and know your T (and love her more and more :-) better as an individual and it will all come out "even" and balanced. You know how you wish for your "good" birth mother and how it almost matches how much you wish for your T? BOTH of those lessen the more you "have"/become "yourself". I terminated with my T in 2005 and "miss" her but just like I miss others I've "lost" in the past; lots of the "investment" of myself in them has been recouped into myself. I know who I am (for the most part, still working on that :-) and am happy/comfortable there and when "bad" things happen can count on myself and my own counsel and know I will live through them, regain my center/balance, etc. Bad things still hurt but I can stay with them when they are happening and so they don't fester/get infected but truly "heal" and the scars are minimal.