not sure if there was a part of me that was this way on its own and more just learned in childhood due to expectations which fed into perfectionism, the fear of not being liked, a people pleaser, etc.

for part of my healing overall, it was necessary to stop doing all those things i was expected to do (being quiet instead of speaking up when things upset me) and stop putting my feelings and well being last. i had to learn to set boundaries with people who did not respect me or who used things like manipulation and other things to get me to do what they wanted. it was important to keep trying to set those boundaries even when i was called selfish for taking care of myself by those who would walk all over me. the more i kept putting my foot down and saying i wasn't going to do things i wasn't okay with anymore, the more it made them back off and treat me more like an equal. it also helped other things slowly over time grow and get stronger and healthier.

so, sometimes there are things we have to choose to do in order to better ourselves that is healthy and necessary in order to move forward and grow even if it means other things might become more difficult (like people not always understanding why you might say no now when you never used to).