I see a lot of things I do as well on this list. Pushing people away is a kind of protection mechanism for the other person. When I feel insecure I do not want to dump my insecurities on my partner and instead I disappear. I do realize by saying it that it does not make much sense, but once you are in that position you feel almost unworthy of anything good. It does have to do a lot with self esteem and the most important thing is to build her own self-esteem. For me it worked when I managed to do little things like crafts, or organized a reading group etc. Anything that can give you a sense of accomplishment I think will help. But ultimately she would have to realize it herself that she is worthy of the nice things in her life.