Last Wednesday, I was at my Psychologist, and towards the end of the session we came to the conclusion that my main problem is two fold.

First due to life events, I can trust nothing or nobody. I mean this in the grand sense. I feel betrayed (for valid reasons and not just paranoia) by everything and everyone from the legal system to friends to women. Now this in and of itself could be easy to reconcile in my mind. There is however the other issue that came up.

The other issue is I have a deep fear of being alone. This isnt the "I cant be alone at all" type of thing. It is rather the thought of not having someone to turn to when I need them type of alone.

The way I can see how I have "dealt with it" until now is to simply keep people hanging on but at arms length. They dont even know that they are not truely "close friends". I now realize this is neither fair to them or to me.

I have to find some direction to begin to deal with this paradox even if to understand it better. I wish I could get in sooner but my next appointment is not for 2 more weeks! I hope somebody can help me understand how this seeming contradiction can even begin to be reconciled.

Can anybody help with this?