This is going to be long. Sorry!

So my T runs 50 min sessions and yesterday when I arrived 5 mins before my session the previous client was still in their session. They didn't finish until right when my session was supposed to start. This made me irrationally angry and jealous. While I was waiting I just kept thinking "get the hell out of my room, you're supposed to be finished!" I know it is ridiculous and I hate myself for feeling this way but I can't help it. I have been reluctant to bring up this issue with my T but I think it something I need to talk to her about. I have written out exactly what I want to tell her so I just going to copy and paste it here.

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In the last session when I was talking about how I feel as though my Mum doesn’t get me and she often invalidates my feelings, you asked me if I can remember ever being in a relationship where I didn’t feel that way. I felt myself shut down at that moment and I didn’t want to go into it at the time because it was going to lead to a conversation I wasn’t ready to have.

Whenever I feel as though my needs are being met in a relationship and that the other person understands me I immediately become extremely attached. When this happens I want to be this person’s “favourite” because that’s how I feel about them. I will often become quite jealous of the other relationships that person has and I hate myself for feeling that way. Usually I will just avoid getting too close to someone by not discussing personal things with them (or I will discuss them but in a joking/sarcastic way that doesn’t really get too deep). I avoid becoming too close not just to avoid those feelings of attachment and jealousy but also because I think that person is going to leave me eventually because that seems to be what always happens.

In therapy I can’t really do this, well I can but I choose not to because I want to actually work on my issues so I make an effort to talk about them. Anyway, because I try to open up to you and I feel as if you understand me, I became attached to you very quickly. Like after the second session I felt very attached. With those feelings of attachment comes those feelings of jealousy. I feel jealous of your other clients and I actually feel angry if the client before me takes longer than the 50 minutes the session is supposed to go for. I know it is absolutely none of my business if a previous client’s session goes 5 min over. I know these feelings are ridiculous and I hate myself for having them. I have avoided talking to you about this because I want you to like me and I believe these feelings of jealously make me unlikeable. But getting you to like me by hiding the way I feel is not the point of therapy so that is why I have decided to bring this up.

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Have any of you spoken to your T about feeling jealous of other clients? How did your T react?