I haven't posted on here for awhile, and I usually posted in the psychotherapy forum. But I feel like I am sliding down into depression again. Just over a week ago my mom went into the hospital with severe chest pain. She went to the hospital, and they found a blood clot in her right lung. She has started taking blood thinners to reduce the clot. I was doing okay until yesterday. My dad called me early in the morning. I was still in bed, and he told me he and my mom were back at the hospital. He had left a pot on the stove with the burner on, and wanted me to go turn it off. I was there within 15 minutes - no shower, no breakfast, didn't even wash my face. The house was filled with smoke. My dad was almost in tears on the phone and could hardly even talk. I rushed to the hospital. My mom had nearly passed out at home and they barely made it to the hospital. Her pulse was 47 (very low) and her blood pressure was also really low. I stayed at the hospital until she got discharged - I didn't go to work. When I got home I realized how stressed I had been.

Back in September I was in the psych ward for 10 days (voluntarily). I've improved a lot since September, but all this stress with my mom is really affecting me. I feel like I am spiralling down again, and I really don't want to go to that dark place again. I've also been doing a lot better with managing my anxiety, but I'm afraid it's going to get intolerable again. My mom and I have had a very rocky relationship, but I'm so scared right now, and I'm not ready for my mom to die. I don't suppose anyone is ever ready for that, but my mom isn't that old.