Hi, All~~I typically spend most of my time in Depression and Psychotherapy forums, but need some perspective from the experts on this forum to make sense of what it is I do in therapy.

Since beginning therapy, periodically I'll 'go away,' for lack of a better term. Early on in therapy, I told my T that I seem to frequently dissociate during appts. My T has never referred to my periods of not being present as 'dissociation' - T is the one who came up with the term 'go away' when we talk about my mental absences.

I've been researching possible states of consciousness that describes what happens when I 'go away' but have found nothing close to what I experience. I don't feel anything (emotionally or physically - can't feel bodily sensations like sitting in the chair), nor do I have any thoughts - not one. If T's voice gets loud enough, I can bring my consciousness/attention back, but I have to ask her/him to please repeat what was said.

T has been in private practice 36 years, so I'm confident there's not much s/he doesn't know or hasn't seen. I plan to ask what s/he thinks is happening, but I don't have another appt. for a week. I get the feeling T is still trying to get a better handle on what my mind does before s/he diagnoses a dissociative disorder (there is a 'dissociation' that's different from DD).

Does anyone else simply 'go away' in the way I do? It's almost like I'm dead - I don't have any sense that I exist anywhere. I must be conscious as I can respond when T's voice gets loud enough.

Any thoughts or opinions will be greatly appreciated! I don't know when I'm about to 'go away' and I hate that I do this. It also happens outside of therapy and I seem to function (drive, shop for groceries, etc.), but I don't know what triggers it...maybe strong emotions? Thanks~~