Hello (((SORROW))). I am sorry that you are suffering at this time. I used to feel exactly as you do at one time, but not getting professional help was not the answer. I eventually wound up in the hospital for a week because of denial and finally got some of the help I needed. I was actually feeling that I had gond through enough and didnt see the need in living at that point, and did not see that things could change to my advantage. The point I am tring to make it that depression and suicidal ideation does not descriminate, it is not determined by race, education or background. Depressionis not weakness it is caused by a biological condition that is treatable by medication and therapy. There was a time when I didnt even know if I could get better with depression and PTSD, but with the right therapy I moved on because I could not move on alone. I was unable to help myself direct my future because I didnt see the future that everyone else saw for therapists. friends,coworkers. It is very hard to see things for ourselves when we are ill and in a state of crisis so that is when it is most imperitive to seek help from a professional even if it means going into the hospital to be safe and not have to deal with the rest of the world for a few days. Nothing seems worth living for when you cant see anything changing for the better. I have been exactly where you are at this time and if anyone can overcome depression, I would not have thought it would have been me a few years ago, so I know how you feel but it is okay to look for some understanding. I wish I would have had someplace to come like Psych Central Years ago it would have saved me a lot of wasted time in tring to determine if I could ever get better which I had determined at some point would never happen. You can use what is available at Psych Central (whether it be chat or the forums to post your needs)so you can get the emotional support you need at this time. We are all survivors at Psych Central and no single person here wants you to be anything but a survivor. We have all been in your shoes to some degree and if there wasnt hope and help then a lot of us would not be here to help someone like yourself become a survivor. I hope things get better for you soon. You are not alone I sincerly feel that your depression is overwhelming at this time but I know from my own experiences there is help,but you have to want to get the help yourself, no one can get the help for you that you need. Take care (((Sorrow))). PM anytime. Soidhonia